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I am not mad. I’m actually in a pretty good mood.
I’m sorry
I’m actually sorry
I didnt mean to
I’m so stupid
Don’t be mad at me
What? Chill! I’m absolutely chill! Really chill. Completely chill. Now you too.
I’m not mad.
You’re not stupid.
Stop apologizing or I’ll start apologizing too!
I accidentally spoke again.
I’m so sorry
I never meant to
Plus I could’ve just shut up and not said anything
My mum has insane anger issues
She told me to look for something and I saw that there was 2 and I asked which one and she
Yelled at the top of her lungs
And called me an idiot and stupid and a cow and I was just there like ._.
And now she’s asking for help
That’s problem number 1 in my culture lol
I can’t blame her
Shes under stress and her leg hurts
I am so sorry I made you apologize again, I am so sorry I made you feel like this, I am so sorry… please don’t be mad at me.
How does it feel? Now chill.
And is your mom ok? All that sounds… wild.
It is wild I guess but I’m used to it
But its OK
I mean I apologise alot but it’s nothing I can change and it’s nothing I want to change but maybe I can try and stop apologising for literally everything
You didn’t make me feel like that
I just do things to myself
It’s ok to apologize… when it’s appropriate, not for absolutely everything. You don’t need to change but just tone it down a bit.
Feels odd to be here all cool and chill and then you suddenly start apologizing and asking me to not be mad completely out of the blue. I guess you’re too used to your family being constantly angry?
I mean yeah I do have a family that isn’t really happy
They yell all the time
So I either apologise for the younger cousins or apologise to the ones I apparently made angry
The thing is
I can’t enjoy playing games because I get too pissed off while playing it
Every single damn game
So i cant even enjoy games
Probably there are some games out there that might be less stressful for you. But defintely… don’t play monopoly with your family, that game breaks families.
I played monopoly in primary and destroyed a table
And uno
But still I hate it
I’ve played almost all games on old gaming consoles
And games on my ipad
Phone
Laptop
I drew scar from the lion King
It’s so bad
Nahhhh I spent 1 hour figuring him out on a separate piece of paper
It’s so bad it’s alright but it’s terrible
I feel like if you see it you might hit me for saying that lol
I don’t hit children, for what kind of person do you take me?
When I want a kid to pay for their sins… I might just squish their cheeks like an old aunt. That surely teaches a lesson. Lol.
Which might happen to you soon when you show me that drawing and tell me “it’s soo bad” and I say “no”.
But it is
I spent 1 hour on it and it’s horrible
You squeezing people’s cheeks doesn’t teach them anything
It just reminds me of home
But you don’t squeeze them properly and it makes me sad
Let me have my own squeezing style. I’ll call it “the milder”. Because I am not going to do it like my grandma used to. That woman did not distinguish between a nice squeeze/pat and a WWE match. She was not for softies.
I’m light headed
Wasn’t it your birthday?
Also I got Colouring pencils
It’s tomorrow.
Oh
Well time to draw for you
OH NO I FORGOT TO BUY YOU SOMETHING
NOOO
IM SO SORRY
I don’t need you to buy anything for me!
Just make a drawing, I will be really happy with that!
Noo
You deserve something
And in stupid enough to forget to buy something
I may be light headed but you need a gift
I definitely don’t need a gift! I told my husband to give me a kinder surprise for my birthday! And we are sticking to that, for real. I have everything I need.
NOOO
I AM NOT YOUR HUSBAND
SOOOO THOSE RULES DO NOT APPLY TOOO MEEEE
So what?
You have everything you need
So what?
So I am cool like a cucumber. I only need a drawing to put in my new board! Although I already have one from you, I don’t mind updating it!
Cool like a cucumber?
Wot?
You have thousands of drawings from me and letter
And I will give you one and another present
PRESENT I WANNA GIVE YOU SOMETHING
AAAAAAH I’m saying there is no need!!!
I make money, you don’t. Don’t spend the little you have on me.
I dont spend money I have I spend my parents money
Plus I’m lying to them and I need to get you something
But since you don’t need it I guess you will have it
Hahahaha got you there
Asdhgajdhgdjahg my hopes crushed in a second.
Hopes for what?
Hopes for you not spending money on me.
“But since you don’t need it…” Me raising my hopes. “I guess” Hopes skyrocket! “you will have it” Hopes crashing down.
Bye bye hopes.
Well I guess you don’t need anything then.. wouldn’t want you to get guilty or something of me buying you something…
But that doesn’t mean I won’t get you anything
HAHAHAHAHAHA GOT YOU AGAIIIN
Aaah you’re a monster!
I’m glad to see you being cheeky though. That’s more how it should be.
YEA IM A MONSTER
am I being cheeky? Really? Wow this feels weird
Hahaha it’s good, you need to be your age at least every now and then. Growing up too fast is not necessarily good.
Hehehhehee
I just made my parents eat macaroni with sugar instead of salt
This is the 3rd time I did this
Lmao!! That sounds gross. Yikes!
HEHEHEHEHHEHEHEEEEEEEEEE
I want to cry
Did something bad happen?
Yea.
Someone else won’t make it passed this week
And its the neighbour that I told yu about
The old one
Nah man this is so dumb
I’m sorry to hear that. Unfortunately life is not forever. so let’s make sure you make the most of it and spend good quality time with the people you choose before that time runs out.
We’ll be back soon.
Hm
I feel bad
I wasn’t there to visit her sometimes and I barely spoke because I was shy but she gave me things
She was a grandma to me
More than my actual one
She died..
Over 15 minutes ago
I knew it would be today
My dream…
My dream
I was running towards someone, and I ran into a dark, deep hospital, and I saw someone covering someone else
And a silhouette stood there and smiled, but the smile was white, and I couldn’t see anything but them
And they waved
Does sound like… they left in peace and said goodbye to you. You did your best to see them and enjoy your time with them. That’s what matters at the end. I am so sorry for your loss.
The thing is
I dont feel bad about it
Also I made a character called
Yll
Yll in my language means star
You will love him
OOOH OC, nice! Now I want to know about him!
You know my three other characters
Vito
Rogue and Domino
Yea they are friends with him
GUESS WHAT
I ALSO COLOURED YLL
YAY
YAY! Use of coloring pencils!
IM FINALLY CONFIDENT TO COLOUR IN AT LEAST 1 THING
YAY!
Oh also its
Kosovo’s independence day today
Yay
YAYx2!
Hehe
Not me singing to albanian songs
I would neverrrr
Yes! do it!
Whenever I sing it scares people because I can change my voice and i sound different and it’s a hidden talent of mine but I’m afraid to show it
Sad
But I dont care to be honest
I’m just here
Existing
And I hate it
HOW DO I ALWAYS FORGET MY PASSWORD ON GENSHIN
EVERY GODDAMN MONTH
AAAAAAAAAA NOOOOOO
I feel sad…
I’m so sorry for being angry in art club and me being angry and kinda yelling and im just so disappointed in myself
Sometimes I have no idea of what are you apologizing for. Like today.
What do you mean?
I’m apologising for being upset
And im apologising for being angry
And im just disappointed at how I am
But what do you mean?
I’m apologising
Sorry for confusing you
I am not confused, I just don’t see the reason for your apologies. Because it is ok to be upset sometimes, it’s ok to be a little angry, and I am not upset or angry at you? I am absolutely alright with it!
Of course I would love for you to be always happy, but that is impossible, no one is constantly happy.
Sometimes you’ll be sad, upset or angry, and I’ll be glad to be there and try to help you back to be happy and calm again.
As much as I can, of course.
I want to do more for you tho
Your not angry?
And during Spanish I almost slept because of my emotions making me tired at that moment…
I can’t believe I did that
What is wrong with me
Why can’t I get good grades
35/45
That’s stupid I hate it
I might have to do more work tomorrow in art club I’m so sorry
IM SO SORRY
I WILL CONTINUE DRAWING ITS JUST THAT I WAS SO MAD
IM SO SORRY
I won’t be angry or upset if you stop drawing, it is your decision no matter what. I just think is a good time for you to stop chewing your head off thinking on: “study, learn, learn, learn, study, grades, learn, perfection, learn, study, learn, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.”
I see it as a break because it works for me (and lots of people, art therapy is a whole thing), but maybe it does not work for you and you need to find different ways to disconnect? I’ll always happily support decisions you take about your own life. As long as they are not self destructive, of course.
Thank you
For being a parent
I feel sick…
You
need
a
break
I’m sorry
I feel sick I’m in my bed and I will take a break until tomorrow because I have to start with
Maths homework
Business homework
And science revision
Now break, work later. At least for once.
High temp
I feel like I have a high temp
My throat feels like it has saliva but it doesn’t
I have a headache whenever I stand
I feel tired
But I’m not longer shivering
I’m definitely sick or something
But that’s OK
I can do things still
38°c
dgsSGFDAHFFHHasg_fh
REST!!!
I’m sorry did I make you worry
I swear I’m OK
Just a bit ick
I definitely made you worry
I feel better
I am resting
But also writing a bit because I wanna quote something
I’m gonna sleep all dau tomorrow
Are you proud of meeeeee?
YES. I am. I am always proud of you.
Hehe
I’m still writing
UGH
every single time my nose unblock I start to sneeze
NOOOOO
am I sick because I didn’t rest?
Or am I sick because of the coat?
Or am I sick because I was stressed?
Also I just woke up and I feel like garbage
Rest a lot, drink lots of water, eat well and take it easy. Ok?
You’re gonna hate me on this, but I did 7 small pages of work on my tiny book
And im drawing on lined paper
*GASP*
HEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEEEEE
don’t make me laugh I will cough my lungs out pleeeeeaaaaasssseeee
But still funny
But yes I’m drawing on lined paper
Hehehehe what are you gonna do about it? On Monday?
Who knows if I will be there
HEHEHEHEHE
I’m going to cry myself to sleep now. Drawing on lined paper…
Robbing others? Meh, kinda bad.
Killing? Well… not too good but still.
Drawing on lined paper?? WHAT KIND OF MONSTER ARE YOU?
AAAAAAAAAAaaaaAAaAaaaaAaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaa
A GARBAGE CHILD
YEAAAAAAAAAAA
THATS WHAT I THOUGHT
FEAR ME
but don’t cry because that is not nice
Ok?
I MEAN YEAAAAA CRY
IM NOT NICE
YEAAA
Oh no! terrible!
Now go rest.
I am still proud of you.
Proud of me for what?
I slept until now what are you talking about
That was enough
I literally feel like I died
I had another dream
You said you were going far but not far
That sounds way more realistic
Realistic…..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN REALISTIC
DONT-
I have not left yet. But when the time comes… you know I won’t be far.
No.
You will leave
But I still don’t know when
ALSO MY TEMPERATURE HAS STAYED 38°C FOR THE ENTIRE DAY
Then keep resting for god’s sake. Stop overdoing!
You know about when I could be leaving as much as I do.
Pretty sure I am really transparent about that. And I will always be.
I cannot stop coughing cause of my damn saliva stuck at the bottom of my throat
Every 2 minutes I have to cough
But I’m better today yay
IM NOT OVERDOING ANYTHING
IM NOT EVEN DOING ANYTHING
ONLY 2 PAGES
I know that you would leave but he thing is
I dont want you to
My hands are so cold they hurt
I’m glad to hear you’re doing better today. And glad that you’re not overdoing it. And think that you neither are going to be there forever. You have only one year and less than half left before departure. And time… flies.
I’m fine with that
That’s when I leave
I dont like it when others leave
Because I know that people are with me
But still
Should I come in tomorrow?
Did you speak to her about the science thing because now it’s stressing me out?
I sure did.
Have you ever seen digimon?
When I was maybe your age? didn’t enjoy it though. I was more hyped for Slayers at the time.
Bro so boring
IM FINALLY DRAWING
YEIII
Sad
I am sad
And I don’t know why
Where were you?
I’m upset now
I am angy
Unwell at home, temperature kept going up. I guess I’ll be down a couple of days… Sorry for worrying you.
Get better ok?
I will
Why do I find it difficult to emphasise with other people’s emotions?
I dont know how to phrase it
Do you know what I mean?
Not everyone has such a high empathy, I don’t mean it in a bad way. It makes social situations a little more tricky but that’s all. I know quite a lot of people with really low (next to zero) empathy. And I am very comfortable with them.
I guess what I mean is that it is ok to accept we are all different. And that’s fine.
But It’s bad
And I try to force it when other are sad because its just cold
Also I constantly feel alone when other people talk to eahother in their languages
Like a student with a teacher talking in their language
It feels like I am so lonely
It’s not fair
I try to teach others my language but they don’t even try
I can’t talk to anyone from my country It’s so lonely
Well I hope at least you’re happy when I talk to you in English, the pronunciation of your language seems… quite hard for me, but if some words will help you soothe your loneliness… I’ll happily oblige.
It’s hard for everyone lol
Why?
Why would you…..
I’m sorry I made you feel that way you don’t need to it’s fine